Nothing gets the heart pumping quite like the nervous anticipation that goes along with going out on a first date with a guy. Whether it’s a blind date or somebody you are already acquainted with, the very first assembly using a relationship prospect brings with it a host of emotions, more usually a combination of excitement and nervousness. As the pivotal moment approaches, ideas can become centered on such questions as: “Will he like me?” “Will I like him?” “What if I mess things up and make a fool of myself?” “What will I talk about?
We gay men have few role models to emulate in regards to romance and love, though it’s transforming. There’s no template to follow and we were never taught how to flirt with and date other men. There are no structure, no rules, and no guidance. How do two guys join together in the “courtship dance?” While a lack of rules for gay dating can be a positive thing, bringing to more imagination, spontaneity, and individualism, it can also create anxiety and a feeling of “cluelessness” in how to match and date successfully–kind of like a car without a driver.
This informative article will offer you some tips on how best to approach your first date with that blessed man you’ve selected to get to know in sequence of that date’s event. Pick and choose the ones that appear right for you and create your own principles as a way of being a healthy dater who lives with integrity and follows his own values.
–When placing a time and area for your date, make sure you make it a short meeting (1-2 hours) for the first time and choose a place that’s either action-oriented or allows for tons of opportunity to speak. Avoid pictures and instead decide on a short get together at a coffee shop or at the zoo. Making it short takes lots of the pressure away, particularly when you locate the two of you aren’t harmonious, and allows for healthy pacing of your dating relationship. If you’re getting along famously, you always have the option to extend the date.
–Choose the emphasis off of it being a date and view it as a chance to meet a potential new pal. This could help “take the edge off” and permit you to relax without focusing on the results of the date. Avoid putting too many hopes and anticipations on the meeting; let it evolve and then that is an added incentive, if a spark ignites during your time together!
–If you’re especially nervous, take a while to do a bit of relaxation exercises (deep breathing, visualization, etc.) to help soothe yourself and get focused. In the event you’re worried about what to talk about, generate a listing of potential ideas beforehand and role play with a buddy to develop confidence. But don’t rely on this or you will seem stiff and rehearsed. Be trendy and be yourself. This really is not about performance.
–Dress comfortably and in clothes that makes you feel great about yourself. Make certain you as well as your date are on the exact same page about the style of attire for your date. For another date in a good oxford shirt and jeans, I showed up in my own relationship days to then locate my other half dressed to the nines in a French suit not realizing his intentions for the evening. It made for a very embarrassing moment and he cancelled the bookings he had made for us at a ritzy, fine dining establishment for dinner. He subsequently changed into more casual clothes and took me to a family restaurant instead. Ouch! His image of me forthwith altered and he quit seeing me after that. He did us both a favor by ending things, but at the time it was quite humiliating. So be clear to avoid any miscommunication.
During the Date
No matter how attracted you might be to the guy sitting across from you, it is your responsibility to be yourself– be someone you are not and avoid trying to put a facade up to try to impress your date. You are great just as you’re. Let him get to know the real you; otherwise, you’re participating in a kind of misrepresentation that may only come back to bite you later. Be authentic and eventually you’ll be rewarded with a really harmonious partner.
–Be attentive to your date. Show respect by maintaining good eye contact and don’t let those eyes roam if there are other attractive guys in the room. Have an open posture and let your nonverbal communication and body language communicate interest in learning about your date. Remain out of your own mind and shut off those distracting ideas; really listen to what he is saying. Ask open-ended questions to find out more elaboration on points made in your discussion to stretch out dialogs and learn more about your date. This really is particularly effective in the event you’re feeling shy or are short on things to say since it gets the other man discussing more, allowing for more tidbits you could begin other dialogues about. Be positive and let your sense of humor shine through.
You can ease into these the more you get to know him. Prevent alcohol, as this steer clear of innuendo and sexual content, and may alter your conduct. Introducing sexual talk into your first date can establish the tone in an inappropriate way, unless sex is the motivation for your date. After you’ve been able to confirm more of a genuine, mature connection discussions about sex and sexual preferences can come later. Questions like “Are you a top or a bottom?” may seem crass at a first meeting and might cause a negative impression of you to form in your date’s mind and image of you.
After the Date
–Whether your date was a smash hit or calamity, exercise good manners and thank your new friend for the date. State this, in the event youwant to see him again and call him in a day or so to ask him outside again. Take charge of your own life, if you like him and make that call. While this may be exceedingly challenging, it is always best to be honest and direct in a gentle, polite manner. In case you’d like to try and develop a camaraderie instead, imply that. But be direct and fair and do not tell him you’ll call him if you actually have no intention of doing so. That is unkind.
–Do some debriefing following your date and reflect on your own conduct, along with your date’s, and maybe journal about the experience. How did you feel? How did you manage yourself during the date? What would you’ve changed? What went well? What did you learn about yourself as an effect of this date? How would you rate the man you met as well as the date? From what you are able to tell so far, is there compatibility with your personal requirements and vision for a life partner? Is he matching up thus far with your needs, desires, goals, and values?
Dating can be a nerve wracking, daunting job, particularly with the absence of dating education available to us as gay men. What roles and conventions that our heterosexual counterparts have for relationship are applicable for us, if any?
The key is to have fun with relationship and take a light strategy. Dating is both an art and also a science in my belief, joining common sense decision-making with self-awareness of what one desires and wants for a fulfilling and joyful lifestyle. You will be living with integrity and will have the capacity to approach all your dates with a more relaxed tone and confident demeanor, when your dating behavior is in alignment with your values and vision for a relationship. It’ll make the procedure a lot more easy going and rewarding. Cheers to your dating success!